Media a Dangerous Influence
I witnessed a forensic psychiatrist blame horrific violent crime on violent media. This news made me very happy. I don’t ingest a great deal of violent media (unless you count the 45 times I watched the Karate Kid) that stuff scares me. So I probably won’t be committing much violent crime. Oh well. However, I do watch an enormous amount of romantic comedies. I've been watching romantic comedies since I'm a small child. Which means my life should start to imitate a romantic comedy any day now. How exciting. I know I'm only moments away from being able to manipulate men into falling in love with me. I know any minute now some young man is going to run miles and miles to stop me from getting on that plane. I can't wait because I don’t want take that shitty job in Dayton Ohio. Of course I’m going to have to get myself a job offer in Dayton Ohio.
Or maybe I’ll choose to stop obsessing over some stupid jerk, instead I’ll realized that I should date that sincere mail clerk who has befriended me. Or better yet, I’ll become a prostitute in hopes of meeting a rich businessman to pull me out of this economic hellhole I've been living in. Hell, I don't even have to be a prostitute I can be token taker for the L train in Chicago, or a hotel maid in NYC. God, my love options are endless, I can get married get divorced. The divorce could leave me embittered and scared to commit and I know that somehow my guarded tendencies will be so attractive that gentleman caller he will not take “no” for answer. Instead he'll pursue me with tenacity and a vigor only found in starving lions. The best part will be when Tom Hanks, Hugh Grant, and John Cusak declare their undying love for me. It’s going to be hot.
Now that I think about it my life is going to change in even more amazing ways. I spent my entire adolescence watching soap operas. I thought I'd never be married, but now I realize from watching all those soaps I'll probably be married 4 or 5 times minimum. And each wedding is going to just be beautiful. At some point in my life learn I have an evil twin sister who grew up in Venezuela. However, it'll turn out that she doesn't exist and I have multiple personality disorder. Multiple personality disorder means time in an institution which means I don't have to go to work for awhile. Hooray! I'll probably kill my third husband's second wife. Then there will be this big huge trial and I'll be vindicated. The town will throw me a party celebrating the not-guilty verdict and then they'll be a week long black out in the hotel bar where the party was thrown. And a week-long blackout means I don't have to go to work for a week.
(Writing of week-long blackouts. Do you think ConEdison watched a lot of soap operas growing up too?)
Man, who knew TV would change my life this way?
Or maybe I’ll choose to stop obsessing over some stupid jerk, instead I’ll realized that I should date that sincere mail clerk who has befriended me. Or better yet, I’ll become a prostitute in hopes of meeting a rich businessman to pull me out of this economic hellhole I've been living in. Hell, I don't even have to be a prostitute I can be token taker for the L train in Chicago, or a hotel maid in NYC. God, my love options are endless, I can get married get divorced. The divorce could leave me embittered and scared to commit and I know that somehow my guarded tendencies will be so attractive that gentleman caller he will not take “no” for answer. Instead he'll pursue me with tenacity and a vigor only found in starving lions. The best part will be when Tom Hanks, Hugh Grant, and John Cusak declare their undying love for me. It’s going to be hot.
Now that I think about it my life is going to change in even more amazing ways. I spent my entire adolescence watching soap operas. I thought I'd never be married, but now I realize from watching all those soaps I'll probably be married 4 or 5 times minimum. And each wedding is going to just be beautiful. At some point in my life learn I have an evil twin sister who grew up in Venezuela. However, it'll turn out that she doesn't exist and I have multiple personality disorder. Multiple personality disorder means time in an institution which means I don't have to go to work for awhile. Hooray! I'll probably kill my third husband's second wife. Then there will be this big huge trial and I'll be vindicated. The town will throw me a party celebrating the not-guilty verdict and then they'll be a week long black out in the hotel bar where the party was thrown. And a week-long blackout means I don't have to go to work for a week.
(Writing of week-long blackouts. Do you think ConEdison watched a lot of soap operas growing up too?)
Man, who knew TV would change my life this way?
Comments
We've reviewed your resume and believe you would be an excellent fit for our day-shift Caracas subway token taker position. I regret that the prostitution circuit here in Caracas is unfortunately a seller's market at the moment, as so many of our local girls have met wealthy American executives and moved away in recent months.
A charter flight has already been arranged through Lao Che airlines. I'm looking forward to meeting you.
Sincerely,
Racquelle Parentazo,
Power & Transit Director,
Caracas Public Works (CPW)