Holiday Brainstorming
People who don’t actually write have suggested that writers should write what they know. I found this advice pretty lame. This past weekend I tried writing what I know for a very special Holiday Chicks and Giggles I'm performing at this Tuesday. These were some of my ideas for a story.
The Christmas Ninja. Which really isn’t about a Ninja. I don’t know anything about Ninjas. But I thought that title sounded better than the Christmas 3rd Degree Black Belt in the Style of Issin-ryu Karate. The story was of a young female black belt who rescues Santa from a bunch of rabid elves who had been bitten by an infected Reign Deer. In the end the Elves receive rabies shots and all the toys get delivered, but the children reject the materialistic gifts. Instead they embrace the gift of Zen Meditation in honor of The Christmas Ninja.
A Jersey Wonderland. In this tale a Jewish/Italian family accidentally set their house on fire when they absent mindedly place the Menorah too close to the Christmas tree. Oopsy. Hanukah is so late this year that it partially happens next year. In the end the family learns that interfaith marrirages are dangerous. They come to understand that neither Jesus nor the Macabees ever really wanted tolerance. They wanted fame and glory and to get on Dr. Phil. So the parents get a Get and a Catholic annulment, just to make sure. The children, emotionally and physically scarred, give up monotheism all together and take up Zen Buddhism. Ironically, several years later they accidentally set their apartment on fire when they reach a state of Zen and leave the incense burning.
The Release. It seems that a woman has lost her ability to fully orgasm even when masturbating. Yes, truly a tragic tale. And just when our protagonist is about to give up and join a nunnery she finds that Santa has left her marijuana in her stocking. From then on she’s able to fully relax and experience the true meaning of Christmas, and abandon her accidental Tantric Zen sex technique.
Corporate America Chokes on a Fruitcake. The Temps stop blogging and cease making long distant phone calls and lead a workers' revolt. Eventually, all governments topple. Each and every god in the universe smile down on the human race because finally the humans get it.
Exactly. Writing what you know is stupid. Instead, I’m going to write about a girl who writes a short story in the hope that if she completes the story said story will come true in real life. Kind of like the movie Delirious with John Candy. Stealing material is how to write successfully.
The Christmas Ninja. Which really isn’t about a Ninja. I don’t know anything about Ninjas. But I thought that title sounded better than the Christmas 3rd Degree Black Belt in the Style of Issin-ryu Karate. The story was of a young female black belt who rescues Santa from a bunch of rabid elves who had been bitten by an infected Reign Deer. In the end the Elves receive rabies shots and all the toys get delivered, but the children reject the materialistic gifts. Instead they embrace the gift of Zen Meditation in honor of The Christmas Ninja.
A Jersey Wonderland. In this tale a Jewish/Italian family accidentally set their house on fire when they absent mindedly place the Menorah too close to the Christmas tree. Oopsy. Hanukah is so late this year that it partially happens next year. In the end the family learns that interfaith marrirages are dangerous. They come to understand that neither Jesus nor the Macabees ever really wanted tolerance. They wanted fame and glory and to get on Dr. Phil. So the parents get a Get and a Catholic annulment, just to make sure. The children, emotionally and physically scarred, give up monotheism all together and take up Zen Buddhism. Ironically, several years later they accidentally set their apartment on fire when they reach a state of Zen and leave the incense burning.
The Release. It seems that a woman has lost her ability to fully orgasm even when masturbating. Yes, truly a tragic tale. And just when our protagonist is about to give up and join a nunnery she finds that Santa has left her marijuana in her stocking. From then on she’s able to fully relax and experience the true meaning of Christmas, and abandon her accidental Tantric Zen sex technique.
Corporate America Chokes on a Fruitcake. The Temps stop blogging and cease making long distant phone calls and lead a workers' revolt. Eventually, all governments topple. Each and every god in the universe smile down on the human race because finally the humans get it.
Exactly. Writing what you know is stupid. Instead, I’m going to write about a girl who writes a short story in the hope that if she completes the story said story will come true in real life. Kind of like the movie Delirious with John Candy. Stealing material is how to write successfully.
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