Thursday, December 29, 2005

OK Will, I'm Posting

Will McKinley gave me a hard time for only posting one sentence yesterday. He's all, "One sentence was all you could come up with in 48 hours!" First off, it was two sentences, three if you count the title. Secondly, I'm an artist, Will. I have to wait for inspiration to visit. With all the holiday travel and the rain inspiration has been stuck in gridlock. So get off of inspiration's back. Not to mention "smallhands_ick" readership is down this week. My Aunt isn't even reading and she usually reads everyday. I'm sure she's pissed at me for something I did at Christmas Eve dinner. I was really at my obnoxious apex Saturday evening and that was before I started drinking. Let's put it this way WITHOUT demystifying the myth of Santa I almost made my seven year old, orphaned cousin cry. She didn't actually shed a tear and I really think she was faking the whole being upset thing for attention. Which is bullshit. If she wants attention she can write bad jokes and get up onstage and tell them. I tried cheering her up by informing her that when our grandparents die she's first in line for the house.

Anyway, Will wants a post, so here we go. But if you find it sucks blame Will.

The lesson I learned in 2005 is if you want to loose weight and save money, cut out food from your daily routine. An empty stomach requires less alcohol to get that drunk effect so many of us enjoy. Thereby saving money and cutting back calories.

Further, this week marks the one year anniversary of the Tsunami, which of course reminds me of my own misfortune. At the start of 2005 I helped out a comedy Tsunami relief benefit by timing the performing comedians' sets, when they reached their time limit I'd shine a light in their eyes so they would know to wrap up thier set and get the fuck off stage. I landed this volunteer position because I had been sleeping with the benefit's producer. You'd think sleeping with the producer would have gotten me a set on the show, instead I was relegated comedian blinder. Wow! How bad at sex am I? Or perhaps I'm just not that funny in bed.

5 comments:

Liam said...

I'm sure the producer just didn't want you making any of the southeast asian orphans cry.

Will McKinley said...

Never fuck comedians Rachael. They all have little dicks and shitty personalities.

Thanks for the shout out by the way! And thanks for passive-agressively misspelling my name in the link! Touche!

rachael said...

William,
1)I believe I have since corrected the spelling mistake. My apologies
2)Comedian? I was talking about a producer.
3)I'd like to say that if you quit comedy your dick won't get any bigger.

Jack said...

Well, thanks for telling everyone, but me!

rachael said...

Jack baby, let's not discuss this via the blog.