Marry Me!

This past weekend I went with a bunch of friends where we proceeded to get considerably drunk on $2.50 well drinks. My best friend Anna was completely Annihilated and began to bemoan how she could never have a wedding because she only knew songs about heartache and depression. "What am I going to dance with my new groom to 'I am Trying to Break Your Heart?' by Wilco. Or Jonathan Richman's 'True Love is not Nice?'" She slurred.

We suggested that perhaps she find a groom first. "A groom. Who needs a friggin groom? I just want a wedding. Hell, I can hire a groom. I want the party. I have great plans for the whole event. At the ceremony I'm going to have fire jugglers and a duel. And in the middle of the ceremony I'm going to have an actor who looks like a young Dustin Hoffman run into the mock Bascillica I'm having built for the occassion and scream, 'Elaine! Elaine!' and then I, and my husband to be, will retort, 'wrong wedding.' It's going to be awesome. And I'll have a big party with a dj playing phat beats. I'll sit all my relatives who have mis-seated me at their weddings at tables where they know no one. What's a wedding without some emotional revenge? Now, all I need is to find a happy song about love. Are there any?"

Then we hid Anna's wallet so she couldn't drink anymore.