Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Dating Tip # XV4b: Getting Him To Commit

Here is a tip to get your man to commit to you without asking him to commit. This tip is for the modern new millenium woman, not for our foremothers. Those women of yesteryear would tell you, "Just get 'accidently' pregnant. Once your preggers he'd have no choice but to marry you." That might have worked in the 1950s when communities could peer preasure a young man to marry his knocked-up girlfriend. Motivating the new groom to enlist in the military to fight the commies. And once he dies or is crippled he can no longer have sexual relations with other women.

Too bad the 50s are over-- no more commies, no more father's with shotguns. We live in the age of quicky divorces and birthcontrol. Further, the old way stuck you with a kid. For the modern woman I propose a new solution to the old problem of commitment.

First, try to fall for a guy who earns very little money. This shouldn't be hard as the poor out number the wealthy something like a shitload to 1, so the odds are in your favor. Second, have your broke-ass man take you out on dates, but never ever go dutch. Don't even think about paying or treating. If you must, lie about forgetting your wallet. If that gets old tell him the government has frozen your bank account and credit cards because they suspect you of funding terrorists. Whatever. Soon he'll be out of funds. No funds equals no means to woo other women. Ta! Da! By default he has committed. Third, make sure you reinforce the stereo-type that women don't like destitute men. Remind him that you are doing him a favor by dating him. This way his male ego will stay in check and he won't have the balls to approach other women. You can soften the blow with a white lie. For example, you believe in him and know he'll make something of himself someday. You better hope not, though.

Now here's the best part. Since you never asked him to be exclusive you can date and mess around with all the men you want. It's non- commitment without the jealousy. It's that simple and without the messy birthing.

4 comments:

Allison said...

the poor outnumber the wealthy by something like a shitload to 1

That is awesome.

Allison said...

Wait, the fact isn't awesome. The way you phrased it is.

K. said...

You are so hliarious. Your blog makes me laugh every time. I wish I had half your wit.

rachael said...

K,
That's an extraordinary comment. Thank you.