3 Things the Middle One's a Little Weak

Lately, my mind keeps fixating on an idea about cell phones. I wonder what would happen if you took a 100,000 cell phones or so, put them on vibrate, buried them deep in the Earth, and then called them all at the same time. Ehh. They probably don't get reception down in the lower depths of the Earth. But what if we first put in a system like the one they have in Tokyo so strap hangers can get reception in the subway? Yeah, we could vibrate the Earth, man.
Today I temped for yet another investment bank. I don' t know if I've been fired or not because my phone is not working, and none of my roommates are home for me to borrow their phones and check my messages. I know this is not going to end well. I arrived today with the understanding from my agency that this would be a one week assignment. This afternoon my "buddy" (yes, that's what this firm calls the veteran admin assistant who is to show me the ropes) explained they're looking for to hire someone permnantly. As the day wore on some of my past office employment came to light in casual conversation. My "buddy" kept asking, "Oh how come you didn't stay with that company?" I didn't know how to explain, that my work ethic has been inspired by the great Italian people. (Note, not Italian Americans. Those fools work their asses off, just like most other Americans, bleck.) How do I explain I really admire the six weeks of vacation time the Italians get a year and the siestas they get every day? (I also love how many Italians don't go back to work after their siesta.) Because I'm sure the next question would be, "Why don't you move to Italy?" I'd have to answer, "Because I don't speak Italian, and with my kind of work ethic I probably won't ever get around to learning Italian."

Basically, I'm not working for an investment bank longer than week, people. Though, it's quite possible that I'm not working their longer than a day, but I don't know because my parents won't check their email, and read my request for them to check my voicemail and email me my messages if I have one! Come on! Parents! I'm 333 days away from being 30 I'm barely an adult, I could use some help here!
It seems that Israel is not a comedian. That might have been obvious to you all. You see Israel as a country. I saw Israel as a land full of Jews. And we all know Jews make great comedians. And what are comedians but people who desperately need to be liked by strangers and non-strangers, miltants and passificists. Turns out Israel doesn't give a shit if people like them. As a comedian this baffles me. I watched the news last night I heard Lebonese people saying, they didn't hate Israel at the begining of the war. In fact they were really pissed at Hezbulah, but now that Israel has inhilated their homes and killed their families while Hezbulah has given them a free place to stay, these Lebonese really hate Israel.

Listening to that news broadcast mortified me. What have you done tiny nation of Israel? You have people not liking you. Doesn't that bother you? It bothers me and I'm not even you. I don't even live in you, Israel. Don't you want to try to win them back with some dick jokes or something? Sure Hezbulah took a couple of your soldiers, we've all been heckled, but if you hold you're shit together you could get the rest of the crowd on yourside. And when you have the rest of the people on yourside you can do the old "1, 2, 3 Shut the fuck up Hezbulah!"

But, Israel's not a comic. Israel isn't emotionally needy. Israel doesn't seek approval from strangers. Israel has a sense of self, Israel doesn't tell dick jokes. Well, ladee da Israel. You're so much better than me. I'm sure I'd have your sense of self worth if I could bomb hecklers. But, I'm just a lonely angry little comedian girl and all I have is hate and need for the rest of the world not to hate me.


Will McKinley said…
Italians take siestas? I thought that was the Mexicans, or Spaniards, or something. But what do I know?
rachael said…
Will, the siesta is a European concept. The Italians indeed have siestas as do the Spanish. The Spanish may have brought the siesta over to the Central and South America or not.
Will McKinley said…
No wonder Europe is falling apart and being over-run by Middle eastern immigrants. Those people know how to get things done, none of this napping bullshit.