Thursday, August 03, 2006

Napoleonic? Perhaps. Or Maybe She's A Stupid Whore.

This past Sunday my friend Melinda and I went down the shore. We had a lovely day of sun, sea, surf, and sniffing ocean breazes. As the northeastern part of the US spun away from the Sun our stomachs began to grumble. It was time for a seafood dinner.

We walked the streets of Belmar reading menus. We decided upon Jack's Tavern. At the entrance to the dining area we observed a "Please wait to be seated" sign. We stood politely and waited for seating in the half empty eatery. After 7 minutes of our life had vanished into the past the waitress move toward Melind and me and snidely said, "Execuse me," and then proceeded to try to seat a couple who walked in several minutes after we had. The couple stood behind us, clearly they arrived after us. The couple explained to the woman we arrived before them. Undaunted, the waittress pleasantly sat the couple before Melinda and myself. I thought the rudeness pretty ironic as the place shares a the name of my ever- loving boyfriend Jack. More minutes vanished into the ether. Eventually, the waitress sat us, but she never looked at us and her manner and voice were full of abraisive contempt.

The waitress' bullshit atittude combined with my stabbing hunger pains got my temper flaring.
Just because it's questionable whether I'd be allowed to ride the rides at the boardwalk did she think she could be an offensive whore? A whore so undesirable she had to get a 2nd job as a waitress to make ends meet. "Just because I'm small doesn't mean I can't kill you, bitch." I said to Melinda, projecting. Melinda suggested, I wait until after we ate before I "cut" any of Jack's Tavern's Employees.

I agreed with Melinda's coarse of action, but I still raved on. "Does she know the horrible things I'm capable of doing to her? Does she think I'm a little munchinkin she can treat me as she pleases. She thinks all I might do is complain to a manager? No, you vile medussa. I'm going to slay you. Don't judge me by my size 'cause you know who else is small? Israel. That's right. I'm the Israel of this dining establishment. You take two of my soldiers I'm going to invade you ass with a tank. You going to seat people ahead of me who arrived after I did. I'm going to buzz your primeminister's residence with fighterjets. Yeah! If you want start shit lady, fine. I'll finish it. I'll destroy you. Don't think I can't because I'm small and the world hates me. You know who doesn't hate me? Melinda. Melinda's like the US except not rich, influential, full of big business, nor does she have a need to dominate the rest of the world. But, she likes me and that's all the confidence I need to kick your ass!"

Then I looked at the menu and decided on the soft shell crab special. A different waitres with a pleasant demeanor took our order. I don't know where she came from or why she wasn't available for the seating part of our experience at Jack's Tavern, but I was glad to see her. She so obviously was not a whore--though, I'm sure if she did enter into that line of work she'd make a fortune. I wound up not killing anyone that day, but know that I could have.

The soft shell crabs were sauteed in a lemon-butter sauce and were excellent. I highly reccommend them, unless you're an Israeli--crab isn't kosher.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Umm.. Melinda *is* kind of full of big business, actually.

Anonymous said...

dude, the rude waitress was my boss. i quit on the night i started x_x lol

rachael said...

anon #2,

That's so funny. The internet bringing people together with their mutual hate. Fantastic.