Calling Under The Influence
I think there is nothing more romantic than a drunken phone call. A drunken phone call where the drunk man making the call expresses his undying love for me. Or he declares his overwhelming attraction to me. It seems ridiculous because a drunk person can always take back their declaration the next day. They can blame their outpouring of affection on the booze. But there is something so vulnerable about a guy who needs a half a bottle of booze in him in order to open up. Call me crazy, but don't think you're special many people call me crazy.
My boyfriend Jack knows that I absolutely adore drunken phone calls. So every now and again he'll go out with his non-profit buddies after work and throw a few back. They usually play the drinking game where the participants sit in a circle and name impoverished countries in alphabetical order. If a person skips a letter in the alphabet or names a country that's not impoverished that person has to drink and then pay a dollar to the selected charity. (The charity is chosen and agreed upon by all playing game prior to the game commencing). It's always nice to see do-gooders try to relax and have a good time. "A" for effort. After Jack purposely loses the game in order to get completely trashed, he goes outside and calls me.
"Rachael,"
"Hey, Jack."
Slurring my name, "Rachael."
"Yeah, babe."
"Oooh. My head is spinning."
"Maybe you should sit down."
"OK...Oooh...No that's worse. The sidewalk is filthy...Rachael?"
"Yeah."
"Where are you?"
"Home."
"Oh really. Do you have some other guy over there?"
"No."
"Sure you do."
"No. I don't."
"What about your roommates?"
"Well, yeah, OK. Gene is home.?"
"You're such a liar. Why do you lie to me?"
"I do not lie to you."
"You just did. Oooh god. Too many shots of gin."
"Who the hell shoots gin?"
"Fine. Leave me then. Just because I like gin shots. I don't need you. I don't need anyone."
"I'm not leaving you because you shoot gin."
"Thank god. 'Cause I don't feel well. Will you make me soup tomorrow?"
"Yeah."
"Rachael....Rachael!"
"What!"
"Aren't I romantic? I feel like i'm going to vomit...Hey...You know what. If I didn't feel like the world was going implode right now I'd ravage that hot body of yours."
"That's sweet."
"Hey Rachael."
"Hey, what?"
"Ahh nothing."
"No, What?"
"Well...awe shucks...um...well...I love you." And then he quickly hangs up. Is he not the sweetest to walk on Earth? Hell, I bet you he's sweeter than men who don't walk. And even sweeter than men not on Earth.
My boyfriend Jack knows that I absolutely adore drunken phone calls. So every now and again he'll go out with his non-profit buddies after work and throw a few back. They usually play the drinking game where the participants sit in a circle and name impoverished countries in alphabetical order. If a person skips a letter in the alphabet or names a country that's not impoverished that person has to drink and then pay a dollar to the selected charity. (The charity is chosen and agreed upon by all playing game prior to the game commencing). It's always nice to see do-gooders try to relax and have a good time. "A" for effort. After Jack purposely loses the game in order to get completely trashed, he goes outside and calls me.
"Rachael,"
"Hey, Jack."
Slurring my name, "Rachael."
"Yeah, babe."
"Oooh. My head is spinning."
"Maybe you should sit down."
"OK...Oooh...No that's worse. The sidewalk is filthy...Rachael?"
"Yeah."
"Where are you?"
"Home."
"Oh really. Do you have some other guy over there?"
"No."
"Sure you do."
"No. I don't."
"What about your roommates?"
"Well, yeah, OK. Gene is home.?"
"You're such a liar. Why do you lie to me?"
"I do not lie to you."
"You just did. Oooh god. Too many shots of gin."
"Who the hell shoots gin?"
"Fine. Leave me then. Just because I like gin shots. I don't need you. I don't need anyone."
"I'm not leaving you because you shoot gin."
"Thank god. 'Cause I don't feel well. Will you make me soup tomorrow?"
"Yeah."
"Rachael....Rachael!"
"What!"
"Aren't I romantic? I feel like i'm going to vomit...Hey...You know what. If I didn't feel like the world was going implode right now I'd ravage that hot body of yours."
"That's sweet."
"Hey Rachael."
"Hey, what?"
"Ahh nothing."
"No, What?"
"Well...awe shucks...um...well...I love you." And then he quickly hangs up. Is he not the sweetest to walk on Earth? Hell, I bet you he's sweeter than men who don't walk. And even sweeter than men not on Earth.
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