The Use of Profanity to Muse on Religion

They say God helps those who help themselves. I say that's horse shit. If I could help myself I wouldn't need God. You wouldn't pay a doctor who gave you that line of crap. "Hey I'm a doctor. I cure patients who cure themselves." You'd tell that doctor, "To go fuck himself." What I'm trying to express is if God wants fans; if God wants followers then God better step it up. I want my miracles. Yes, plural. I want more than one miracle and none of which are "world peace." There are plenty of people hoping and praying for World Peace and I wish them the best of luck with that pipe dream. I have my own pipe dreams I want fullfilled and I want them fullfilled now!

People, I've tried helping myself. And I've tried not helping myself. The results have been the same--I'm not helped. It's time God stepped in and did something Godly, like making my life better. I am a mere mortal I can't do it. I tried.

Oh! And I don't want one of those small miracles that could easily be a happy coincidence. Like the time I was running late to meet Jesse for dinner. I reached the bowels of the 7th Ave station in Brooklyn in time to watch the B train fly past me. Usually, the B and Q trains alternate. That day the Q train would have done me no good. And then a small miracle occurred. Another B train arrived! I made my dinner appointment on time. I thought it a miracle. But it could have easily been an MTA fuck up that happened to work in my favor.

Serendipitious subway shenanigans is not going to cut it this time. I want my life altering happiness causing miracles. Basically, I want something that is too great for the MTA or even Amtrack to accomplish. I also don't want to have to be vulnerable to get my miracles. I do not want to state out loud to other people what it is I want. Nor do I want to have to post said wants on this blog. If God is Godly then God should know what I want and miraculously give it to me.

I know that there are other people out there far worse off than me. I wish them the best. I hope they get their miracles as long as their miracles don't get in the way of my miracles.

Alright good night and Godbless


Anonymous said…
Ok, I guess you won't be satisfied unless the East River parts and Brooklyn is permanently part of Manhattan.

Or perhaps if Gabriel stops by (the angel, not some hipster) and knocks you up...
Cherry Ride said…
I'll send Him over after I'm done with Him. Until then, clamp it.
rachael said…
Anonymous, I'm not really looking for kids. However, if gabriel byrne wanted to attempt to knock me up that'd be hot. And that'd be a miracle.

Cherry ride, funny comment.
Anonymous said…
If you're looking for Mr. Byrne, he's a regular at my local coffee shop in, of all places, Brooklyn Heights. That's all I'll give you for now, so as not to get too Gawker-Stalker-y.

Best of luck in finding the Man.
Anonymous said…
Anonymous WOW great comment, its OK not stalker-y at all, especially considering I am on the other side of the planet. Just thinking about being a waitress at his regular coffee shop would be sooo exciting, but if I ever got to serve him I'd probably spill the coffee (If I didnt perhaps that would be my miracle!)
George said…
I throughly agree,and I have some dreams of my own I want fulfilled.