Bring me the Head of that Ass

Did you know Greg Behrendt the co-author of the relationship self-help books, He's Just not that Into You and It's called a Breakup Because it's Broken is a comedian? That's right ladies you've been taking advice about love from a God damn comedian. A male comedian at that. Which means he doesn't know shit. He's a comic therefore he's extremely self-centered he can't possibly know what other men are thinking. He only knows what he's thinking. And even then, really he's only thinking what he thinks other people might want him to think. Take the chains off girls. Live again. Take up the reigns of stalking once more. Begin anew your fantasies of love fullfilled. If he knew anything about other men he'd be a bartender. When a bartender writes a book about men and women worship that book like it's the bible. Bartenders listen, they observe and they get laid alot.

It's just like a comic to make it all about them. You can tell by the title of the first book,He's Just Not that Into You. The emphasis is on his feelings. His feelings are irrelevant. Most men aren't into you. I'm not saying your ugly or undesirable, it's mere statitistics. Most men don't know you or of you, so how could they be into you? Does this fact bother you? Of course not. There's a Johann Schmidt out there in the world who doesn't give a rats ass about you. He cares nothing for your feelings he never calls, nor does he ever remember your birthday--hell he never knew it. Are you pining afte Johann? Of course not. There are even men you know who not only aren't into you they can't stand you. (They may or may not have good reason.) Does it matter? No. Why? Because you aren't into them. And that's where this comedian has it all wrong. It doesn't matter if the guy isn't into you. You are into the guy or guys. You have romantic or sexual feelings for someone. There they are your feelings and you have them whether or not the dude reciprocates those feelings. If he reciprocates you feel good if he doesn't you feel shitty. But constantly acknowledging the fact that he doesn't like you back doesn't rid you of feelings. Nothing does but time and someone else who you dig. You could fuck your way from here to China and you'd still be thinking about the guy you like. You can drink gallons of tequilla and it won't go away. Did you ever notice when you're drinking you forget all about your money problems. You're job doesn't seem so bad anymore, but you never forget about the romance and/or the sex. It's why your friends keep hiding your phone on you when you all go out drinking.

My point. Fuck this comic who wants to strip you of your right to crush, and your instinctual need to love. You are not a fool for caring about someone even if it's a fool you care about. You'll get over it when you get over it. You might never get over it. You might marry him. You might kill him. Either way make sure you have a good attorney.

True I have yet to read either of these books. But I checked them out of the library yesterday and I plan to read them in preparation to wage an all out war on what prejudge to be crap.

i'm probably going to have rewrite this over the weekend.


simon said…
The typo of "statitistics" does a fine job of emphasizing the "tit" in what percentage of guys will be that into you.