Monday, December 17, 2007

Morning After meets Smallhands

Today we are going to give my best friend Anna's idea a try. She wanted me to take over for the defunct Morning After Sex blog that Anna interned for this summer. The italicized script below is the letter Anna chose for today's question. It will be followed by my answer.



Hi Dan Dude and Matilda:

I have a very pressing question. You see, I accidently doomed myself to have a minimum number of sex partners before I can find love. One night years ago I was in bed with a very attractive man who had a great deal more sexual experience than me. I have always felt a little insecure with my sexual abilities and my miniscule number of sex partners. I guess I wanted to execuse any possible bad sex I offerred up that night, so I told him the truth that I hadn't slept with that many people prior to sleeping with him. He said how many people do you think you should have slept with by now? I responded off the top of my head with the number 7. Now I feel that universe is holding me to this arbitrary number. I won't be able to find reciprocal love until I sleep with 7 people. I now have slept with 6 people.



My question is: I think I have found someone who is non-threatening, and who would sleep with me. Unfortunately, I don't like him that much. He's a nice guy and everything, but he's kind of boring and well, not to be superficial, but he has flippers for hands. I mean in the dark I guess they won't be that noticable. Though, I do know they are there. I didn't meet him in the dark-- I've seen the flippers. Is it worth sleeping with a guy who has flippers for hands in order find love sooner? Do I sleep with flipper boy or not?



Sincerely,



Cursed by a Big Mouth

Dear Big Mouth:

First, I'd like to congratulate your not ignoring the universe and trying to please it. A pissy universe can cause landfills of trouble. My advice to you is to keep looking for lucky number 7. Don't force the issue with this fellow. You're obviously, not thrilled about him personality wise or physically. I have found, in my sexual travels, that though the mind often times is willing to sleep with whomever, the vagina isn't always as accommodating. You may get the flipper boy home with you, both their lying naked on your bed, only to find your vagina isn't granting his flipper penis any access. However, if flipper boy makes the first move I'd go with the flow and see what happens. If it works out, great you can go find love. If not well, you already knew you had to look for number 7 anyway, so no harm no foul.

Good luck.

Sincerely,

Smallhands_ick

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