Two Things I was Told To Put In My Act

1. Several weeks ago I attended an all women event. It was supposed to be some sort of networking thing, but it turned out to be a book promotion thing. I forget the name of the author who penned the book being promoted entitled "Thank you Power." However, Donna Hanover (the former 1st lady of NYC and Rudy's second wife) was interviewing the author fall of us. At the end of the evening where the discussion had centered around career, Donna says, "Oh and if any of you ladies are searching for romance or thinking about it, let me tell you this. I dated a guy in college for a bit. We broke up while in college. He was kind of a jerk and he never apologized. Then 34 years later out of the blue he calls me and apologizes and we're now dating. So ladies, keep the faith. They do call and tell you what you want to hear."

I just started laughing. I thought, "Noooo! Donna, you can't tell a room full of women that story because we'll all wait 34 years! We'll wait until we're dead!"
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2. I'm not really a hugger. It's not that I don't like being touched or whatever. It's just that hugging is a gesture of friendship and I don't trust that you actually want to be my friend. You're hugging me so that you can get me to trust you so can stab me in the back. Well, I'm not fooled. I see your impending deception a mile away and a firm handshake will do just fine.
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I think there is a reason these aren't in my act.