Let's Hope the Background Check Doesn't Find This Blog

Yesterday I interviewed for a part time administrative assistant position. I don't know that it went well. Here's a transcript of my first interview with the director of Human Resources.

HR: Why do you want to work here?
ME: I feel I have administrative skill that I can offer your organization.
HR: Yes, but why here, specifically? What is it about us that excites you?
ME: Well, what do you guys do?
HR: You didn't do any research on us before you came in?
ME: Well, I heard a rumor that you pay people inUS Currency to work here. A friend of mine works here and she said you were looking for an administrative assistant and that her pay checks have not bounced once.
HR: So you don't care what we do here?
ME: Do you guys care about America's homeless problem?
HR: Of course.
ME: If you hire me that will be one less homeless person on the street.
HR: Execuse me?
ME: I'm sorry do you not pay money for people to work here?
HR: Of course we do.
ME: So my research on your company was accurate. Yes, I want to work here because you pay money to your employees, my landlord requires money for me to live inside his building sheltered from the elements. Also the grocery store requires me to give them money when I want to take some of their food home with them.
HR: Yes, but we do very important things here.
ME: Of course you do. I'm wondering will I be providing administrative support to any coal miners?
HR: What? Of course not.
ME: That's good. I mean I would be willing to work in a coal mine, I was just going to need health insurance along with a pay check if that were the case.
HR: How well do you know excel?
ME: a C+.
HR: Thank you for coming in. We'll let you know in a few weeks.
ME: Thanks. Great meeting you.


Sal said…
I really hope this exchange really happened! I LOVE IT.

Here is a transcript of part of my getting laid off:

Big Cheese: I suppose you know why you're here.
Me: mid-year bonuses?!
Big Cheese: Um . . . no.

My mistake, I was not laid off. My position was eliminated.
rachael said…
Sal, I think in school when they teach children about George Washing and the cherry tree they should have a caveat. "Honesty is the best policy, unless you're working in corporate America, or someone asks if you love him/her."
Allison said…
Even if this transcript were 100% accurate, there are people working here who HAD to have done worse interviews.

Damn--I just realized the perfect answer to "why do you want to work here?" is "Jewish holidays off with pay."
rachael said…
Allison, that is really funny. I might have to use that line when I do this on stage. Only with your permission.
Allison said…
Yes! Yes! Of course you have my permission! Now I'll have to go see every show you do, just so if you say it I can laugh really hard.
Aside from resume or curriculum vitae, some employers accept the applicants because they are being referred by a friend or an influential people. By these people, they will know the background of the applicants if they are really capable for the job. But there are some employers that hire the services of the investigators for background check.