Let's Hope the Background Check Doesn't Find This Blog
Yesterday I interviewed for a part time administrative assistant position. I don't know that it went well. Here's a transcript of my first interview with the director of Human Resources.
HR: Why do you want to work here?
ME: I feel I have administrative skill that I can offer your organization.
HR: Yes, but why here, specifically? What is it about us that excites you?
ME: Well, what do you guys do?
HR: You didn't do any research on us before you came in?
ME: Well, I heard a rumor that you pay people inUS Currency to work here. A friend of mine works here and she said you were looking for an administrative assistant and that her pay checks have not bounced once.
HR: So you don't care what we do here?
ME: Do you guys care about America's homeless problem?
HR: Of course.
ME: If you hire me that will be one less homeless person on the street.
HR: Execuse me?
ME: I'm sorry do you not pay money for people to work here?
HR: Of course we do.
ME: So my research on your company was accurate. Yes, I want to work here because you pay money to your employees, my landlord requires money for me to live inside his building sheltered from the elements. Also the grocery store requires me to give them money when I want to take some of their food home with them.
HR: Yes, but we do very important things here.
ME: Of course you do. I'm wondering will I be providing administrative support to any coal miners?
HR: What? Of course not.
ME: That's good. I mean I would be willing to work in a coal mine, I was just going to need health insurance along with a pay check if that were the case.
HR: How well do you know excel?
ME: a C+.
HR: Thank you for coming in. We'll let you know in a few weeks.
ME: Thanks. Great meeting you.
HR: Why do you want to work here?
ME: I feel I have administrative skill that I can offer your organization.
HR: Yes, but why here, specifically? What is it about us that excites you?
ME: Well, what do you guys do?
HR: You didn't do any research on us before you came in?
ME: Well, I heard a rumor that you pay people inUS Currency to work here. A friend of mine works here and she said you were looking for an administrative assistant and that her pay checks have not bounced once.
HR: So you don't care what we do here?
ME: Do you guys care about America's homeless problem?
HR: Of course.
ME: If you hire me that will be one less homeless person on the street.
HR: Execuse me?
ME: I'm sorry do you not pay money for people to work here?
HR: Of course we do.
ME: So my research on your company was accurate. Yes, I want to work here because you pay money to your employees, my landlord requires money for me to live inside his building sheltered from the elements. Also the grocery store requires me to give them money when I want to take some of their food home with them.
HR: Yes, but we do very important things here.
ME: Of course you do. I'm wondering will I be providing administrative support to any coal miners?
HR: What? Of course not.
ME: That's good. I mean I would be willing to work in a coal mine, I was just going to need health insurance along with a pay check if that were the case.
HR: How well do you know excel?
ME: a C+.
HR: Thank you for coming in. We'll let you know in a few weeks.
ME: Thanks. Great meeting you.
Comments
Here is a transcript of part of my getting laid off:
Big Cheese: I suppose you know why you're here.
Me: mid-year bonuses?!
Big Cheese: Um . . . no.
My mistake, I was not laid off. My position was eliminated.
Damn--I just realized the perfect answer to "why do you want to work here?" is "Jewish holidays off with pay."