Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Solving the Energy Crisis

America uses more energy per person than any other country in world, which is kind of rude and greedy. No wonder the rest of the world hates us. We're like the fat kid who eats almost all the ice cream at the ice cream themed sweet sixteen party. If we want to get in with the popular kids we're going to need to start cutting back on our energy consumption. I have thought of some ways to cut down our usage.

1. Get rid of surveillance cameras. There are millions of these cameras all over this country sapping energy. Most of the footage they create is completely unwatchable. Give me Ed Wood or the dude who made "Man in the Iron Mask" any day over these super-neo-realists. Further, these cameras don't ever turn off. They are just a constant drain on the grid. No wonder France hates us, only the US would waste resources to make such crappy blue and white movies.

2. It's time to turn off the satellites that listen in on our phone convesations. First, off the jet fuel it takes to send these things into space is very pollutive and very expensive. Do you know how many Chinese coal mine workers have to die to gather enough coal to send a Chinese Satellite into space? I don't know either, but I'm sure it's quite a bit. I bet you didn't know that Chinese rocketships run on coal.

2a. Turn off localized bugging devices and phone taps. The amount of fuel the CIA, FBI, State Police, Office of Home Land Security use shuttling it's employees about inorder for them to place these devices in our homes is staggering. Then they have to power recording devices to record the conversations the bugs pick up. Next they have to play back the hours upon hours of recorded audio. Not mention the chemicals used to make those polyester suits these people where.

3. Close down Norad. Those main frame computers just suck the life out of Colorado's energy supply or where ever NORAD is locatetd. Plus, that place has the big screens with the radars and what not. Just rent "War Games" and you'll start to get a picture of the energy abuses at that place.

There we have it three places to cut energy use.

Well, I'm off to do some green gambling. I'm going to the horse track to bet on horse power. All you going to Atlantic City to gamble via slot machines should be ashamed of yourselves.

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