Due to sleep deprivation, an impending cold, and a lack of breakfast I will make no attempt at a cohesive post. This is crazy. I don't sleep, I'm always on the verge of sickness, I'm not eating enough, I'm broke. I'm living the life of a drug addict except without the benefit of the drugs. It might all be worth it if I was blitzed out of my mind half the time, having promiscuous sex with a host of unsavory men my drug addled brain won't be burdened to remember. Instead, I'm completely conscious of my state of affairs 100% of the time. And conscious of how members of our society back away uncomfortably from me when they hear I'm a comedian/temp/substitute kickbox instructor/part-time computer mover. Some people try to intervene and convince me to enter grad school or at least Law school. But I haven't hit rock bottom yet.
--
A middle-age man told me he was against physical torture during government run investigations but felt that psychological torture was just fine. I thought to myself of course he thought psychological torture was fine he had never been a teenaged girl.

---
ME (picking up a ringing telephone's reciever): Hello. Mr. Muckity Muck Lawyer Dude's office.
CEO (gruffly): Is he there?
ME: Yes, who's calling?
CEO (More douchey): It's on the phone display!
ME: Can you spell that?
CEO: What? That's not my name.
ME: Oh your name must be really long if you rather say all that instead of just telling me your name.
CEO: Just put him on the phone!
ME: Right away Mr. Display.
CEO: (fumes)
ME: Mr. Display is on the phone for you, Mr. Muckity Muck Lawyer Dude
MUCKITY: That's the CEO of the company!
ME: Do I get paid more than $18/hr to answer the phone when he calls?
MUCKITY: Huh? No.
ME: So his title is important to me why?
MUCKITY: He's a CEO!
ME: Can he get me a tv spot on comedy central or an HBO special?
MUCKITY: Maybe.
ME: Do you think he will?
MUCKITY: He's very busy.
ME: Well, do you think he'll put me in his will?
MUCKITY: He doen't even know you.
CEO (from the receiver): PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE MUCKITY!!!!

scene

Comments

Allison said…
As someone who's had to answer assholes' phones since my first summer job at 16, that scene with Mr. Display warmed my heart.

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