Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Due to sleep deprivation, an impending cold, and a lack of breakfast I will make no attempt at a cohesive post. This is crazy. I don't sleep, I'm always on the verge of sickness, I'm not eating enough, I'm broke. I'm living the life of a drug addict except without the benefit of the drugs. It might all be worth it if I was blitzed out of my mind half the time, having promiscuous sex with a host of unsavory men my drug addled brain won't be burdened to remember. Instead, I'm completely conscious of my state of affairs 100% of the time. And conscious of how members of our society back away uncomfortably from me when they hear I'm a comedian/temp/substitute kickbox instructor/part-time computer mover. Some people try to intervene and convince me to enter grad school or at least Law school. But I haven't hit rock bottom yet.
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A middle-age man told me he was against physical torture during government run investigations but felt that psychological torture was just fine. I thought to myself of course he thought psychological torture was fine he had never been a teenaged girl.

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ME (picking up a ringing telephone's reciever): Hello. Mr. Muckity Muck Lawyer Dude's office.
CEO (gruffly): Is he there?
ME: Yes, who's calling?
CEO (More douchey): It's on the phone display!
ME: Can you spell that?
CEO: What? That's not my name.
ME: Oh your name must be really long if you rather say all that instead of just telling me your name.
CEO: Just put him on the phone!
ME: Right away Mr. Display.
CEO: (fumes)
ME: Mr. Display is on the phone for you, Mr. Muckity Muck Lawyer Dude
MUCKITY: That's the CEO of the company!
ME: Do I get paid more than $18/hr to answer the phone when he calls?
MUCKITY: Huh? No.
ME: So his title is important to me why?
MUCKITY: He's a CEO!
ME: Can he get me a tv spot on comedy central or an HBO special?
MUCKITY: Maybe.
ME: Do you think he will?
MUCKITY: He's very busy.
ME: Well, do you think he'll put me in his will?
MUCKITY: He doen't even know you.
CEO (from the receiver): PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE MUCKITY!!!!

scene

1 comment:

Allison said...

As someone who's had to answer assholes' phones since my first summer job at 16, that scene with Mr. Display warmed my heart.