Clarity to the Confusion

I've been getting letters asking me to clarify my relationship status. It seems there is some confusion as I've been writing a bunch of "single gal on the prowl" type jokes recently and it's been months since I've written about my boyfriend. -- Oh and let me clarify when I say I've gotten letters from readers, I mean that I imagine there might be readers thinking about writing me a letter about the above mentioned topic.--

Well, it's simple, people. Single sells and contented relationship doesn't. And if this blog is about anything it's about making me tons and tons of cash. So if I have to write cliched jokes and stories about dating so be it. If I have to pretend my boyfriend Jack doesn't exist in order "to make it" well that's what I'll do. Sure I think it's amazing and interesting that I'm dating a man who was told privately that he's up for a brand new peace prize award, called the DuWeir award. This award is going to kick the ass of all other peace awards particularly the Nobel one. Those Nobel people will never know what hit them especially once Jack is publicly and officially nominated for it next year.

Unfortunately, people don't care about unique things like that. People what to hear about the gory details of one night stands, dysfunctional sex (I'll tell you I had to do some crazy research to write those jokes. All I have to say is thank god for Dr. Ruth and her publisher.), and tales of the most awful men New York as bred. God damn you Sex and the City for making stable relationships a topic of comedy yesteryear. All people want is the same old same old. You know that hacky comedy involving traveling to music festivals year after year to stalk an ex who is married. Every woman has a joke about that but you have to have a joke about that or you can't booked anywhere.

My point is that Jack and I are still together, but from time to time I'll be posting jokes about dating because I want a career. And when I say a career I guess I want a lot of youtube hits and blog comments. That's where the money is people. The money isn't in true love. So for all you entertainment business executives my boyfriend Jack doesn't exist. Just pretend I made it all up. But don't worry that doesn't make me alternative or edgy or even crazy.


Anonymous said…
Excellent observation! Hopefully Rosie O'donnel is reading your blog and will get the hint.

She was on Night Of Too Many Stars doing a bit of her comedy routine - and she bombed! Those happy lesbian mom jokes are best saved for her Olivia cruises.

Married people are all home snuggling with their beloved while planning their kid's next play date. It's us single folk who are out at the bars either drinking to gain the courage to talk to someone or drinking to forget the someone who we are no longer dating -- and with a little luck drink enough to meet a rebound someone in the process.

We are your people! :)
rachael said…
Anonymous, you give me hope for a brighter future for all man kind.