Monday, April 14, 2008

A Lesson From Temping: Who Knew?

I don't know how many of you out there have ever done office temp work. Nor do I know how many of you have had a temp come and fill in for you at your job. So excuse me if I'm telling you something you already know. But in general when a temporary employee comes into fill in for a permanent employee the permanent usually leaves behind a memo with all of his/hers responsiblities and how to fullfill the work responsiblities. Sometimes there is even a whole binder dedicated to giving step by step instructions to the filling in temp.

As much as I try to avoid working while temping I have to admit this is a pretty great office convention. I think it should be applied to other areas of life. Specifically when someone breaks up with you he/she should then type up a memo of all the things you enjoy whilst having sex, and more importantly how to perform such duties. Some responsiblities like kissing the neck probably doesn't need much more explanation, but perhaps it does. While others like sex on rollerskates not only needs to be listed (it's not your run of the mill administrative tasks--as it were.) but one would need a step by step of how to have sex on rollerskates.

You are probably asking, "But if I enjoyed the sex on rollerskates wouldn't I know how to do it?" Not necessarily my friends. I mean, maybe it wasn't your idea to have sex on rollerskates and so you let, the now, ex just friggin do all the heavy lifting, which hey you're not even sure if there is heavy lifting. You don't remember how it all went down at all. All you know is that you were on rollerskates having sex and you found it enjoyable. Wouldn't have been nice if before the ex broke up with you they typed up a memo explaining the how to's of the position?

Dear New Dude:

Below is a list of favored sexual positions and sexual practices as well as the procedures to complete said tasks.

I introduced sex on rollerskates and she seemed to really like it. Perhaps you might want to check if she really did or was just being accommadating.

  • First, both of you strip naked.
  • Next put on the rollerskates (you must put on the rollerskates second. If you put the rollerskates on first you'll never be able to get your pants off. Try skating with your pants around your knees. You can't.

etc. etc.

All I'm saying, people, is it would be nice to have something to reference once a valued employee leaves the company.

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