Acting 101

Despite holding a B.F.A. in the subject of acting I'm hardly an actor. Even though I've acted in a number of plays and a few films I can not call myself an actor. Why? Because I am not touchy feely. I have no problem dancing all night long and (looking foolish or looking hot -- depending on your perspective) but don't grind with me. I don't know what you mean by your grinding. Just dance over there with your boyfriend. Like most actors I can drink like a Barrymore but no matter how drunk I get I'll never sit on anyone's lap. Next thing you know you'll think I like you, which let's face it is probably true and then what? Sure, I'll sing at the top of my lungs "Don't stop Believing" when the song isn't even playing, but I won't hug and kiss my friends just because they're there. No, I'm not an actor. I am a comedian. I am guarded and reticent. Hell, I get scared to make a move on people I'm actually dating.

Praise be to the actor! His humongous ego notwithstanding he shall show us the way!