Real Life Dialogue

I once could be overheard saying to another human being, "I don't have the emotional fortitude to be your friend." Another time I told someone I saw them "surreptitiously holding hands" with another person. (And it just took me twenty minutes to figure out how to spell surreptious.)
Which of course isn't surprising because I'm the person who had this phone conversation a couple of years ago. ME: You're actions were discordant
HIM: I don't even know what that word means.
ME: What?
HIM: I didn't go to an ivy league school like you.
ME: What? Ivy League? I didn't go to an ivy league college.
HIM: Well, it was in new england.
I then defined "discordant;" he hung up on me; I wrote a funny sketch inspired by said call; and, he claimed his phone died and he did not hang up on me.

Sometimes I say to myself why did I ever bother with a boy like that. I'm cute, and funny and I have wealth of nickel knowledge. And, then I look down and I rip out some random hair from my chest and thank god I don't have more cleavage or that hair would have been really hard to yank.