Friday, June 17, 2005

In my defense

I realized the other day that I have a public forum (this blog) to finally set the record straight regarding an incident-- the ramifications of which I still deal with today. Approximately, 18 years ago I was accused of heinous crime. I crime which I did NOT commit! I would just like to declare right now that I did not ever write, "Stacey is a Jerk" on the back of the handmade light switch ornament that hung in Stacey D.'s room during her childhood.

I remember toward the end of my fifth grade year our teacher had allowed us to put our desk in a cluster formation with our friends which sorted of formed a makeshift table. This way we could cheat without straining our necks. I sat with three of my "friends," Stacey D., Lisa, and Sara. (yeah, I grew up in a town with a sizeable Jewish population) On the Monday after I had slept over Stacey D.'s, after recess, before dismissal, while we were supposed to be working on our Math I was confronted. Stacey whipped out the pink and white, needle point, lightswitch ornament. She flipped it over. And in bic pen it read, "Stacey is a Jerk." Stacey D. said to me, "My mom, is so mad at you."
"What?"
"You ruined this. I've had it since I'm a child."
If I was a quicker 10 year old I would have retorted, "You still are a child." Hindsight. Instead I said, "I didn't write that."
Evil Evil Evil Lisa said, "It's your handwriting."
"But I didn't write it."
So the girls made me write the alaphabet down on piece of paper so they could analyze my handwriting. Now, again I was ten years old. I didn't know that most handwriting analysis is done on script handwriting and not print. Oh yeah, and it's also usually done by ADULTS! Not just any adults either but usually experts in handwriting! My fate was sealed. The tribunal that was my desk cluster convicted me. I didn't even get a chance to bring in my own experts or cross examine Stacey D. or have a lawyer for that matter.

My innocence was right infront of our faces. The words written read, "Stacey is a jerk." The did not read, "Stacey D. is a jerk." It had to be written by someone not in our 5th grade class. I always thought the vandal was her older sister Laura. It was her or of course the Dingos. But I guess we'll never know. All I know is that I didn't write it and now the world knows... or at least the 14 of you who read this thing.

SCROLL DOWN TO NEXT POST FOR INFO ON A GREAT SHOW SATURDAY!!!

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