Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Matriarch Allegory #1

The following is a fictious event for the purpose of illustrating a point.

I went to a car show last week. I had a fabulous time while I was there, sure the consession were overpriced--but nothing is perfect. All the cars sat in the convention center glowing in the glow of admiration of all the car lovers. Out of no where a fire started. Smoke filled the room distressing my lungs. At one point there was a glimmer of hope. It seemed the fire was put out, but it came raging back burning the whole place down. No more cars. No more car show. Disappointed and irrationally dejected I wandered the streets of NYC. I stopped in at a coffee shop and ran into a red-headed woman I know. We decided to lunch together. We made small talk for a few minutes but my despair overtook me and I told my red-headed friend about my sorrow regarding the events of the car show. The red-headed woman said, "Don't be upset. You don't even like cars."

"Umm. OK. I thought I did, but I guess you would know more than me what I like. I thougth I went to the car show because I liked cars."

"The way I've heard you talk about cars..."

"How do I talk about cars?"

"You hate the pollution and the global warming."

"Well, yeah sure, but that doesn't mean I don't like cars. I talk about cars. I don't talk about fishing ever. I mean there are aspects of cars that can suck but they also get me to and from comedy gigs out of city. I've seen a great deal of this country via the driver's seat of an automobile."

"Anytime I hear you talk you complain about how much you hate traffic."
"Sure, I hate traffic. Traffic is very frustrating aspect of driving. I wish traffic didn't exist. Just because I don't gush about cars and frequently complain about traffic doesn't mean I don't like cars. How can you negate my feelings like this? I complain about my mom a lot would you say I don't like her?"

"You're probably a bad daughter."

"Now, you're just being passive agressive."

"Well, all I know is that is not how I act when I like something."

"Yeah, but you have red hair. You do things differently."

"I don't see why the car show has you so down in the dumps."

"I'm sorry, red-headed woman, I like cars. Hell, I love cars! Despite your pressumption otherwise. And now, I have just witnessed a building full of cars burn down that's upsetting. A little devastating. I guess there was a part of me that thought I was going to win a free car at the car show. Not only did I not win a free car, all the cars exploded."

"I guess now you can try fishing. And one day you'll have good sex."

"I don't want to fish. And I have had good sex, thank you very much. Not everyday, but it's happened."

Then I ordered a cheeseburger and the red-headed woman ordered a turkey club.

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

Who orders a turkey club anymore?