Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Family television

There was a time before Jack when I thought I'd be romantically involved with Gabriel Bryne. (He's acted in such movies as Stigmata, Usual Suspects, The Keep etc.) My father disapproved of our love because my father is a bigot and doesn't like the Irish. He told me to avoid the Irish because they suffer from the Irish curse. Then my father held up his index finger and thumb to show how small the Irish curse really is. Here's the thing: what was my father doing talking to me about penis sizes? I mean, I guess, he just wants the best for his little girl. But how do I tell my father a small penis is all I can handle right now? Where was that special episode of Growing Pains when Carol comes home and talks to Dr. Seaver.
"Dad, a small penis is all I can handle right now."
"Carol, all you need is a little lube."
"But won't boys think I want anal?"
"What boy would think a bottle of astro glide means that?
"I don't know. I heard boys think that."
"Perhaps a boy in special ed, and you should stay clear of them."
"So lube would allow me a larger dating pool?"
"Yes. Plus, you can more easily have protected sex and have sex for longer periods of time."
"Wow, dad you're the best."
"And now you can be too, honey."


and scene.

1 comment:

Alicia said...

I think some coffee just came out of my nose. Your blog should come with a warning-- Drink and Read at YOUR OWN RISK.