Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Heat and Paranoia

It's funny when I visualize the Hell that those religious types yammer on about I think of it as hot but a dry heat, like Arizona but hotter. I don't think of Hell as humid. Instead those of us who have yet to die and be judged (well we've been judged by our peers and random strangers but not yet by some mythical hirer being) and live on the East and Gulf coasts have to suffer the great torture of humidity. It's too bad for the Devil that Mother Nature has patented humidity and she won't sell the rights. Right now I feel like I could stick to fire.
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Yesterday I rode the subway with a big, black backpack filled with two rollerblades. Walking on the subway with this stuffed bag made me fearful. I thought some patriot would flip out and try his/her hand at heroism. One of the MTA patrons would take out the threat to peace and democracy--ME. Every person made me wonder if they were going to kick the shit out of me, or pull out a gun-- because those random bag checks don't include pat downs.

The misguided patriot is hard to profile. I didn't know who was best to sit next to. Anyone could be a threat. I didn't know who to avoid. The Puerto Rican mother with her two kids she seemed like a safe bet until I remembered mothers are always very protective. The big Italian guy might be O.K. 'cause I'm italian, but you know how territorial those guys get, and how handy with a bat they are. The dude preaching the benefits of accepting Jesus, might be alright Jesus was about love. However, frequently, Christians forget about turning the other cheek and go right for the smack down. The more paranoid thoughts ran through my mind the more nervous I became the more guilty I looked. All because I didn't have the skill or physical capacity to skate home to Brooklyn from Manhattan's Ft. Tyron Park. And if I explained myself I'm sure people would be like, "You are being physically active in this heat? What are you from the Middle East?"

Thankfully, I made it out of the subway unscathed. When I walked out of the subway station my mind was so preoccupied with my ordeal I stepped out into traffic and almost got hit by a van.

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