Mendacity and the mendacious mendacators that mendacate

The other day I called into work stabbed.

When I told some people the story they were horrified. "Aren't you scared that now you'll actually get stabbed?"

There is this weird belief out there that if you make up an excuse to get out of work, a babyshower, or a trip to the Amish Country, and if that excuse is a lie, and if that lie involves the death, illness or maiming of an actual person (yourself or someone you know) then you have now just jinxed that person. Basically, if you told your roommate that your grandmother has just died and that is why you can never do a dish again, never mind the ones that have been in the sink for two weeks, you have now sentenced your grandmother to death. What kind of screwed up universe do you people live in? Or worse what fucked up justice system do you choose to believe your world, or higher being ascribes to? Why would the lord or brahma or the cosmic forces choose to punish an innocent bystander because you lied about their well-being? So you'd feel guilty? I think feeling guilty feels alot better than a feeding tube, a feeding tube you just doomed your brother to, so that you wouldn't have to go to gym class.

And, if it is that simple to maim people by an utterance-uttering it convincingly and without a "gotcha!" aftwards--then wouldn't we all do that. Revenge through mendacity to others. I know that I'd be telling my employers that my arch nemisis from grade school, Lisa Nazar, was a dear dear friend of mine. I'd explain that I wouldn't be coming into work for the week because not only had she been involved in a terrible car accident, but when they removed her from the car instantly lightning struck her, which you'd think would cure her of her herpies, but it didn't. I would say all this even if i didn't want the week off just because I still hold a grudge after 15 years.

The flip side of all of this is if I lied to my employer and said, "I can't come to work for the next two weeks because my boyfriend just surprised me with a trip to Prague. We leave tomorrow." Would this statement ensure that my boyfriend would surprise me with a trip to Prague? Or would I be doomed to never to be surprised with a trip to Prague? Or worse would it jinx me on my way to Prague and my plane would explode? Or does it just mean when I go to Prague I'll be stabbed.


allison said…
I'm so psyched for the day that Lisa Nazar Googles her own name and finds out her eventual fate!
Daniel said…
You are planning an interesting trip! I have been to Prague, and I'm sure you will like it! Because there are a lot of sightseeing! Interesting thing, that the historic center of Prague has been included in the UNESCO list of World Heritage Sites.
Also I liked, that when I searched for Prague hotels, many of Prague hotels offer free transfers from airport. The easiest and best way find accommodation in Internet!
Also I know that on Christmas in Prague is very interesting and really beautiful!
Anonymous said…
Lisa Nazar from Australia here,, googled my name pmsl.. I'm a different Lisa though.. :)