Friday, March 03, 2006

Green With Envy? No. Olive.

According to family members--my mother-- I'm jealous of my 7 year old cousin. How untrue. That's the thing with my family though, they don't have any knowledge regarding the things they proclaim. For example, they keep saying how smart the baby is. Baby? She's 7 years old that's hardly a baby. If it were the early 1900s she'd already have a full time job, most likely in textiles or munitions, but she doesn't have a job--can we say lazy? And as for the smart--puhleeeze. Early this week I witnessed this girl pick up a bottle of body spray and then ask what "sensual" means. Smart people know what that word means. In fact people of average intelligence know what body spray is used for. My cousin, the out of work "genius," needed an explantion.

Later on that same evening I mentioned the city of London in coversation with my grandmother. The kid pipes in and says, "London is in France." I corrected her and told her that London is located in England. She disputed my claim several times. Finally, I had to pelt her with a Mikey Mouse ball while saying, " London is in England. Paris is in France, Miss Everyone loves me, I so adorable that I'm going to inherit my grandparents' house." As I picked up the ball a second time I continued, "I was adorable once too, but I didn't let my adorableness get in the way of me knowing how things like how to spell Joseph. Can you spell Joseph? Didn't think so. Hell, kid do you even have blog?"

Jealous. Ha! Jealous of what? Not knowing basic geography. When she does inherit that house she better not leave the premises because I doubt she'll be able to find her way back. So go ahead family---aka Mom--- and delude yourself into thinking she's just the cat's pajama's, the great new hope of the Parenta family. Too bad her last name isn't even Parenta. And too bad, mom you aren't blood related to her at all.

1 comment:

simonmaxhill said...

Not to take back what I was saying in the later post, but I think you are totally strong enough to beat up a 7 year old girl. No contest, you could whup that little fucker.

I still recommend you sucker punch her, though. Never can be too safe in a fight.