Merely a Story about Soup

My best friend Anna and I went out to lunch yesterday. Anna asked the waiter if there were any specials. He told us about the asparagus, pesto pasta dish and then told us the soup of the day was Lobster Bisque. However, he continued, they were out of the bisque. Since asparagus is disgusting, we ordered from the regular menu. I guess when they say "special" at this eatery they mean "special" as in small bus "special" because there are very few vegetables more retarded than asparagus. You don't believe me? Next time you're in the grocery store ask the asparagus to spell its name. I'm so convinced of its utter awfulness that I won't be US centrist with my test--It can spell it in any language it chooses. You know what? When you ask it to spell its name hold up a flash card so the asparagus can read the answer. That's how sure I am of the dumbness of that vegetable. I would say that asparagus was the inspiration for the term "vegetable" when describing humans in comatose states except that would be giving asparagus too much credit.

Moving on. None of this has to do with Anna's story.

I ordered eggplant over chicken and Anna ordered Arancia (Italian rice balls) and a salad. Before the waiter left to give our requests to the kitchen he turned to Anna and said, "Somewhere you know you shouldn't have the bisque."
Anna responded, "But I didn't ask you for soup." Our waiter turned and walked away from the table. Anna was flabergasted. "Rachael, did you hear me ask him for soup?"
"No."
"Why would I ask for the soup if it's not available. There is no soup to be had. And who said I wanted the bisque even if it was available for the having? What a ludacrious statement. Should I be thinking that much about the bisque? And where should I know whether or not I should or shouldn't have the lobster bisque?"

I said, "You are lactose intolerant and bisque has cream in it"

"So my intestines are telling me not to eat the bisque? Funny they never pipe up when I'm about to eat a bowl of ice cream. Who is he to tell me what I should or shouldn't know and where I may know that information? I know what I know where I know it, I don't have to go searching for answers to questions I have never asked."

"You've gotten the bisque before."

"Yes, before. I used to be five before. It doesn't mean I'm five now. Do you think after having already experienced the lobster bisque a couple of times I want it again?"

"Perhaps."

"Perhaps, if I asked for it, but I didn't. As enjoyable as the bisque can be after many spoonfuls it becomes too rich for me to finish--not that the bisque has or had any money.-- Sometimes after the bowl of bisque had been in my presence for awhile I'd want to defenestrate it. I'm not saying that having the bisque again hadn't crossed my mind, but I didn't come here for the bisque. I didn't ask for the bisque and I think the waiter should worry whether or not he wants the bisque. He acts like he's not upset about their being no more bisque but he easily could be upset."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"In fact I bet you there is plenty of bisque left and he wants me to have the bisque, but because I never asked for the bisque he got all hurt and had to act like he didn't want me to have the bisque to save face. So he told me that somewhere my psychic self has tuned into the universe where I've intercepted the message that I shouldn't have bisque. No he presents himself as some non-emotional, rational man who knows consciously  that I shouldn't have the bisque."

"Are you still talking about soup?"

"Was I ever talking about soup, Rachael?"

"I think you're hungry. You're blood sugar is low, and you need to eat something."

"You're God Damn right I need to eat something but it sure as well won't be a bowl of lobster bisque that they don't have that I didn't ask for!!!!!"

"As long as that is settled."

***Yes, this post was created completely sober.