Thursday, March 30, 2006

Ponderance on the 2 Train

From the world of "Unwise Choices:" I took the subway home by myself at 4am. As I rode home basking in the flourescent glow of the 2 train I let my mind drift. I pondered the varrying outcomes after my murder on the subway or the walk home from the subway. I wondered if my friend Jesse would give a speech at my funeral? Would he cry as he talked about my bravery? And not the bravery I displayed the night of my demise as I valiantly faught off my assailants, but in the end was bested because my bladder was brimming over with urine, inhibitting me from throwing a kick. Not that bravery but the bravery of constantly saying inappropriate things to oversensitive people. The bravery to go on living despite knowing I lacked any ability to better myself as a person. Would he even give a friggin' eulogy?

I wondered if any ex-boyfriend types would show and think, "Shit! I guess I missed my chance of winning her back." How many of them would throw themselves on my coffin? How would Jack feel about these guys making an appearance. Would he understand their hurt. We he console them? Would they bond over the great loss they all feel? Or would he tell them to fuck off, they should have apologized while I was still alive.

Then I thought if I died at four in the morning on March 30th my funeral would probably be the same day as NCAA championship game. Just my luck. My death couldn't compete with that. The only people to attend my funeral would be my parents because they're not sports fans. I guess I'm lucky I didn't perish earlier in the month when the Sopranos' season opener aired, then no one would have showed.

Note to self don't die in February during sweeps month.

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