I like Halloween because of the partying. I hate Halloween because of the god damn effort. I have no desire to spend money on a costume. I developed my most inventive costume my senior year of college where I went as an abused wife. Don't worry I told everyone I fell down the stairs. My friend Kerisa went as my abusive husband. We were one hot semi-trany couple. Me with my deshevled hair, black eye, and robe. Kerisa with a beer gut, greasy hair, and pencil thin mustache.

Since then it's been a steady decline of apathetic costumes. The year after the news boy I cut a hole in a pillow case, tied a ruler around my waste, placed a bowler cap atop my head and went as an ingima. No one got it. Two years ago while still living in PortlandI put on my bike gear and went as a bike messenger. I repeated the costume last year because I moved back across the country. People didn't think I was dressed up, I explained that I usually wear a helmet when I ride a bike and on Halloween I was without helmet, just like a messenger.

October 2004 I was reading Zinn's People's History of the United States and decided that in 2005 I would go as a turn of the century, dead, union striker--very ambitious. Not only was I to wear a period costume, but I wanted to make a wooden sign that read "8 hour work day" and to have a hole in my gut from a U.S. issued 19th century rifle.

Yeah, so that didn't happen. Instead I plan to wear big hoop earings, a funky hat, and sunglasses. I'm going as "Rachael as a funk bass player, sans the bass.."


I like the idea of a comfortable chair in the bathroom. At least you won't have to walk far.