Monday, October 17, 2005

Mildly Amusing Dating Fair

Last week I celebrated my one year anniversary of being dumped by a corporate lawyer. We dated about six weeks so it took me just about 8 months to get over it. I was mad at people who kept telling me to get over it. I'm like I'll get over it when those christians get over Jesus. All they talk about is Jesus this and Jesus that. He died nearly 2000 years ago, come on! Move on already. Most of you never even met him! They go to their churches where they have all these pictures and statues of him just waiting for him to come back. He's not coming back. He's gone. It's over. The whole thing just isn't healthy.

I celebrated my dumping by performing some of the old jokes I wrote about the fellow. Though, I did not perform this one, "This guy just broke up with me, he said there was "awkward tension." Awkward tension, huh. Maybe that's because when you were 15 I was one. (I'd scream the "I was one" line into the mic for dramatic and comedic effect.) for more material based off said gentleman caller click
or click on this one

I have to say that the older guys I date (the ones 10+ years older than me) are in much better shape the the ones who are my age. That even goes for my single friends who are in there late twenties/ early thirties. I'm like guys you better hurray up and find someone or else you're going to have to get a gym membership and actually go to the gym! If you're single I don't think you can be old and pudgy. You can still be poor, though -- women really will date anyone.

It's one thing to be poor but another to be cheap. If you invite me out for a drink have enough cash to tip properly. $1 tip for three drinks doesn't cut it. I hate having to pretend I left my purse at the bar so I can slighly leave a proper tip, because I don't have a purse--and it makes me look schitzophranic.
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Sometimes boys confuse battering a girl's ego with breaking her heart. If she's carrying on about you, it doesn't necessarily mean she really liked you. Usually it has more to do with her ego. She's like, "I can't believe he broke up with me! Who does he think he is? He doesn't even have is own teeth. He was my rebound guy. I was supposed to break up with him in like a week when my ego was sufficiently repaired. Bastard." I saw a girl last week make snide non-specific comments infront of a dude she once dated. I thought it was funny because I know the dude thought she still wasn't over him. But really it was just her ego getting all huffy at the sight of him.

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