Pat Benatar is not My Guru

Pat Benatar once sang the very dangerous phrase, "Love is a Battlefield." Its destructive power increasing exponentially when set to a catchy pop tune because now it's branded to our brains. A blog can not compete with a catchy 80's tune, but I've always been one to take on the impossible.

Love should not be a battlefield. Stop the battling against people you love. I know you're scared. I know all you want to do is post pictures of yourself on the internet making out with Jake Gyllenhaal to drive the dude you're casually seeing nuts. And I know that the married guy in the suburbs feels neglected by his wife, so all he wants to do is neglect her back. Stop! Stop now. Love should be less like a battlefield and more like golf. You and your partner should play against the course not each other. When you land in the rough don't take you're two iron out and just hack away destroying the fauna and everyone's patience. Take a moment and take a breath. Ask your partner what club you should use- ask sans the sarcasm. If you need to take a drop and loose a stroke, that's not weakness, it's playing within yourself. Yeah, I hate golf too. Let's move on.

"But how can I move on, Rachael, I think he still might like me." So call and ask him if he does. "My friends say that's a bad a idea. Then I'll loose 'hand.'" You're friends are stupid. Vulnerability isn't weak and foolish. You asking them to dicipher someone else's actions is foolish. They don't know what he thinks and feels. You know why? Because they're not him!!! In all likely hood he doesn't like you, but you don't know for sure until you ask. So ask so he can crush all the hope out of you. Hope ruins lives. Right now you think there is a chance, that he's big a Pat Benatar fan who just walks around his home singing "Oo Ee Oo Ee OOo. We are strong no one can tell us we're wrong...something something I don't know this part... Love is a battlefield." Which could be true, probably not, but could be true. So go find out. Call and call and call somemore until he calls you back. Or just call two times. You have to balance bravery with social norms, I guess. Something about harrassment laws. Though, if he refuses to give you a straight answer show up at his home and wait until he gets back from work. Then cry like a baby when you emotionally get kicked in the solar plexus. Next, try to force yourself to like that really sweet accountant. I mean your friend thought he was cute.

Happy Birthday, Pat, though we're not invincible.

Comments

Ugarles said…
Nobody else will ever spell Jake Gyllenhaal's name that way. That'll kill your google traffic.
Nina Paley said…
That post has perhaps the worst spelling AND grammar of anything I've seen on smallhands_ick. Yet, I laughed out loud at this:

Right now you think there is a chance that he's big Pat Benatar fan who just walks around his home singing "Oo Ee Oo Ee OOo. We are strong no one can tell us we're wrong...something something I don't know this part... Love is a battlefield."
rachael said…
Worst grammatical post on smallhands_ick. That is quite an accomplishment on my part.

I did go back and fix Jake's spelling.
Anonymous said…
um..how about you stop making fun of the fucking song..yeah sure, there is love, but uh..most of the guys are asses to girls anyways..that song was more successful than you'll probably ever be..and Pat Benatar has way more fans that you'll probably ever get
Anonymous said…
We are strong no one can tell us we're wrong...something something I don't know this part... Love is a battlefield

'Searching our hearts for so long. Both of us knowing...'

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