You done broke the Deal

Someone asked if I had ever witnessed a deal breaking moment while on a date? Below is the answer I supplied.

I went on a date with this kid that my mother had set me up with. No, my mother never met him either so it was a blind date squared. She had, however, met his mother and found his mom delightful. My mom discovered the delightful lady had a single son. Using her own theorem my mother figured if A + B= Delightfulness (where A and B represent my mom and her new friend) then it stands to reason that a + b= grandchildren (where the lowercase letters represent the offspring of the capital letters).

The young man called me one day asking to get together. I told him I was going to see Tito Puente at S.O.B’s that evening and he was more than welcome to join me. He told me he didn’t know who Tito Puente was but was game nonetheless. For many the disparity in our pop culture knowledge would have broken the "deal" right then and there, but I figured he was only 22 and Irish American he was allowed not to know of the Latin Percussionist. Really he got a pass because he was down with girls who didn’t wear make-up.

I picked him up at his parents’ house and drove us to the show. As we’re driving he said it was cool that I was a girl but I knew where I was going, and he didn’t have to give me directions. I thought it odd, but wasn’t ready to throw him out of the car. When we arrived I must have had a look of longing as I watched the dance floor because he decided to inform me on his dancing policy, “I don’t dance unless I’m wasted.” Now, this should have been the deal breaker, but Tito was too good for me to pay it much mind.

The deal breaker occurred after the show on our drive back to NJ. As we drove along the Hudson River I stated that the river at night is serene. He replied, “Serene that’s a big word.” I looked at him and said, “It’s six letters.” “Yeah, ah well it’s a word not often used.” And that’s when I knew my mother had to be killed lest she fix me up again.


You should have taken me to Tito Puente instead.