Tuesday, January 16, 2007

"Everytime I Try to Get Out They Pull Me Back In"

Just when I thought I was done with that book, "He's Just Not That Into You," it finds its way back into my life. My friend, Myka, had been lent the book by her new roommate and she was voraciously reading it. So that book, Myka, and I spent all day Friday together in New Jersey. And now I must rail against what I have read.

According to Greg, the author, women should never ever ask the person they like out on a first date. According to Greg taking such action will doom the relationship before it even begins. I guess women are supposed to just wait around and hope that the person they like finds the nerve to ask them out or that he even likes her. What happens if a woman doesn't make the first move when she is sure she's into someone? Does she just wait around? I think that's a poor strategy. If she waits around hoping the boy she likes asks her out she's going to turn down all these other suitors because they aren't her first choice. However, her first romantic choice might not be into her, but she doesn't know that because she's being coy. If she initiates action she'll know if her feelings are reciprocated. If they are not she can move on and start accepting dates from the other gentleman callers if she wants to waster her time that way.

Also, what are lesbians supposed to do? If women initiated relationships never work out why do lesbians even bother? Do lesbians go to girl bars and just all stare at each other hoping some man shows up and fixes them all up with each other? That's got to be awkward. "Thank you kind sir for fixing me and Helena up. I'm sorry we couldn't reciprocate the favor by joining you in a threesome. Good luck and God speed."

And what about gay men? Do they just constantly get rejected? Is it a life of constantly asking men out who don't want to be asked out because men don't like someone else being socially agressive? "Hey, guy, you're hot maybe we should go out sometime."
"Mmmm. I don't know, dude. I did think you were cute earlier but now that you asked me out... I'm really turned off."

I don't know. I just think that if a girl likes taking charge she should find herself a man who likes a decision making woman. And if a girl is shy and doesn't like putting herself out there she needs a man who finds that adorable. Of course most of us fall somewhere in between. Situations and people constantly vary and you act accordingly. You know? If it's third down and 20 yards to go you don't run the ball. Unless your running back is LaDainian Tomlinson and you're playing the Indianopolis Colts during the regular season. And that's the point there are no hard and fast rules even in football never mind interpersonal communication.

You have instincts and don't let some frosted haired C list celebrity tell you those instincts are wrong.

2 comments:

Nina Paley said...

Yep.

anne altman said...

there is one hard and fast rule:

men who write books about men and how they feel about women end up making truckloads of money and get a tv deal.

i hate that guy.