Not So Much an Incentive

It is widely known that if you are a muslim and you die in the name of Allah Allah grants you 72 virgins upon your arrival to Heaven. This makes me think the author of the Koran never had sex with a virgin. Now, I was a virgin for a very long time, and I don't think it's any great incentive having sex with 72 women who are like, "ooo. Ouch. Wait a second. Just...just one second...ahh....um... do you love me? I thought there'd be candles...wait...I really like you and I wanted to do this with someone I didn't care anything about because I knew this wouldn't go well the first time. Oh no. Stop crying. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. You're great in bed. I mean I think you are. I wouldn't know I have nothing to compare it to. I'm just saying I wanted to have some experience before I slept with someone I liked. Maybe I could sleep with your brother or something he seems like asshole. Where are you going? Hey don't get huffy with me. You're the one who bombed the city bus? This is your reward."