Monday, January 08, 2007

I Think Orwell Had the Wrong Year

Remember when 12 year olds could drink alcohol in the bars of NYC? Now, 2007 arrives and adults will not be able to eat transfats. I yield the point that transfats are probably bad for the human body. So what? If we're going to outlaw things that are bad for us let's start by outlawing office work. Cubicles are killers. Your heart and lungs atrophe as you sit all day sitting on cheap office furniture that has not been designed for your specific body type thereby damaging your back. The flourscent lights sap your body of vitamins. You stare at a computer screen all day until finally you need glasses. And, as your ass spreads and the pounds pile on you your muscles and bones start to breakdown under the stress.

Some of you may go to the gym daily and that's great. Good for you. Unfortunately the gym won't cure your carple tunnel syndrome and it won't fix your eye sight. And the thing is most people don't go to the gym and don't exercise. In the intereset of health and cutting medical costs should we treat New Yorkers like public school children and force them to take gym everyday? If you don't go you'll be fined. If you continue to not go you will be jailed.

Maybe they'll make it illegal to be fat and make it illegal to be anorexic. You know when you don't eat it also puts strain on the heart. I can't wait until they make it illegal to love the wrong person.

Perhaps NYC will see a rersurgence of the 1920s. Instead of bath tub gin we'll have bath tub fast food burgers and cookie dough mix.
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After thought. I'd like to see the following things outlawed with the transfats.

1. Watching more than 1 hour of tv a day.
2. Playing video games.
3. Surfing the Net
4. using the elevator.
5. Driving to a destination less than five miles away.
6. Anorexia
7. Bullemia
8. Obsesity
9. Reading for more than a hour a day unless running on a treadmill.
10. Using the escalator
11. Working in an office
12 Working in a factory
13. Taking a carriage ride.
14. Drinking caffienated beverages
15. Eating candy.
16. Eating ice cream.
17. Hypothermia
18 Heat Stroke




I'm just glad we still have the right to burn coal.

3 comments:

Midwesterner in NYC said...

I actaully like the idea of a transfat speakeasy.

Jaxopolitan said...

I don't care if people say something's unhealthy. If it tastes good, I'm going to keep on eating it!

Which is why I drink a nice, tall glass of antifreeze everyday. It tastes sweet, and the green color reminds me of watching Ghostbusters cartoon as a child!

Anonymous said...

umm... i think they've just basically decided that it's poisonous. Consumption causes massive medical trauma and extended consumption causes death.

There's no law against consuming it, just against serving it as food. You can buy it in a store and eat it if you want to. The real question here is why NY's health department can classify something as poison that the FDA recognizes as food. Gotta reconcile that.